When to share your autoimmune condition with a date

Ms. Meniscus,

I’m in the dating pool again, at 46, and I need to know when to tell this woman I’m interested in that I have RA and I’m taking a biologic. My husband left about a year ago and I haven’t done any dating yet so besides my joints being creaky, my social skills are rusty. Any advice?

Rusty and Creaky

Dear Rusty and Creaky,

In the sea of life, the areas known as “Dating” and “Relationships” are particularly tricky to navigate, regardless of how healthy your ship may be. Although it’s important to be honest with your new love interest, that does not mean you need to disclose your condition immediately preceding your name when you initially introduce yourself.

By the second or third date though, you should find a way to work it into the conversation. The topic will come up easier than you think.

If you see a spark or think there may be a future with this person, you will need to talk about the important aspects of your life, including your Rheumatoid Arthritis. Explain what the biologic is and how it can (hopefully) halt the progression of the disease. Be prepared, she may have lots of questions for you.

Since you are dating women now after your husband left, and I don’t have much more information to go on, I would venture to say that you may have recently ventured back into living life to the fullest with a clean slate. If so, congratulations! If you are able to admit to yourself and others that you want to date women, then you should surely be able to talk about your RA, and what you are doing stay healthy.

– M

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