TomKat and Colonoscopies
Written by Kristin Anderson on July 3, 2012
What else is there to talk about but TomKat? TomKat has split! And now perhaps Mr. Mapother won't raze more businesses (read: family-owned, hard working people) to erect a large temple to Xenu in Toledo. This news is of tremendous importance in my house at the moment. My SO has Toledo roots and "Aw, HELL no" was our reaction to the pending Scientology invasion on the Mid-West.
"Aw, Hell No!" will also be my reaction the next time someone says I need to get a colonoscopy. I had my first "colo" a few weeks ago. Ever had one? Can I get a Holy Be-Jesus? That "prep" is the most foul drink I have ever consumed in my life. Made me long for my college days when I thought Natty Light was an actual beverage.
After surviving the prep–and let us not forget the required "emptying" that must follow–I made the nervous 90 minute drive to the colo and upper endoscopy procedure. (Thank you, mother, for driving in silence for I know we both feared an accident….)
I won't tell you I woke up during the procedure and felt horrible pain. No! Because that would be awful. I won't tell you it happened twice! After surviving the procedures, my mom must have heard all about my college and high school shenanigans as I rambled incoherently on my Demerol cocktail. I must have thought I was in a Real Housewives confessional. Why do I insist on talking when under the influence? My doctor thought this was a really awesome time to tell me that the "prep" I took was totally unnecessary. He laughed. (At me?) He said he always takes Metamucil (no-taste) mixed with a drink he likes. Uh-huh. He must have thought I wouldn't remember he said that.
The good news: I survived. Perhaps a little damage was done to my psyche. But if I haven't mentioned it before, my SO says, "what doesn't kill you always makes for a good story!" Usually over a drink. But there's no cancer, no celiac disease, no ulcers. Like Katie, I've made it out of the darkness with my organs intact. They've been scanned and audited, but intact.
The damage: Something is twisted inside. (I'll stop spoon feeding you my Katie comparisons right here.) Some things are stuck together (adhesions) and causing me some major pain. I'm sure a visit to the Scientology Centre on Sunset could clear it right up, but I'd rather spend my $100K on doctors than auditing sessions. I'm glad Katie is seeing the light too.
In other Kristin News:
What I'm digging these days: Prometheus! Have you seen it? I'm all about the lore and symbolism of this movie.
* July! It's my birthday month and my geeky month! Spiderman, Dark Knight Rises, True Blood, Falling Skies. I'm into all of it. If you love it too, hit me up on Twitter to discuss: @Kristin_Noelle
* I'm heading to San Diego Comic Con once again! It's always a challenge as an achey gal, but I somehow find the energy to power through. Follow me on Twitter for my updates.