Introduction & Early Stages

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February 2003

Sunday, February 02, 2003

There is a phrase that is used countless times a day since what probably was the beginning of time: "don't kid yourself". In other words, don't tell yourself something that isn't correct. But does this hold true for what we tell others?

Lately I've had the chance to better understand the difference between being true to myself and being true to those around me. My arthritis -- its pain, its limitations and its stigma -- is my business. More and more I am having difficulty relating this to other people in ways they can understand. Sure, none of us is as strong as all of us, which is a great argument for sharing and including others in our problems, but to me ssometimes it's worth a shot to stand away from my arthritis. To blend in. To be average. Even at the cost of being dishonest. Clearly upstream from the team-approach that CreakyJoints has become world-famous for teaching, but at the end of the day it's just one more emotion that I feel. So I smile at the thought that every now and then I don't practice what I preach.

I guess what I struggle most with is that if I am not convincing myself any differently, why can't I acknowledge this falsity and present my life in any way that I wish? None of this will help with my pain. None of this will make me feel any more like the next, healthier person. Yet for some unknown reason, it feels good to appear to be normal. To introduce myself as Seth Ginsberg, just another ordinary guy.

Today I missed my connecting flight to Fresno because I couldn't keep up with everyone else hustling for the plane. So I spent the afternoon at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport thinking about reason 213 why my condition sucks. "Maybe I would have missed it if I were healthy?" I thought. But then I caught myself saying "don't kid yourself".

Wednesday, February 05, 2003

This week I have been touring the west coast and speaking to various schools about my arthritis, CreakyJoints and what it’s like to help start a business. My first stop was California State University in Fresno where I spoke to groups all day long ranging from high school juniors to MBA students and community business people. My act included a quick rehash of dealing with Spondyloarthropathy, what has happened since, what we’re doing with CreakyJoints and how we plan to move forward. What I tried to convey – hopefully without putting anyone to sleep – is that in order to be happy we must do something we enjoy. For me, it’s spreading a message, helping people, and developing ways to cope. Fresno State, as they like to be called, was really receptive. Bright. Inspiring.

The more I travel the more I realize that the world is comprised of plenty of people who wake up and don’t want to go to work. They live their lives doing the day-to-day without ever even smiling. Their motivation is to make money: they do their job and they earn their money. And nothing more. What I’ve come to realize, however, is that despite the fact that the system is set up this way, it is merely a choice we make when deciding whether or not to go along with the status quo. For me the choice has always been to either sit in a box or dance on top of it. I may have arthritis but I can still dance, at least figuratively.

My next stop is Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles. Here I’ll talk to the Hilton School of Business about ideas very similar to this one, and maybe a couple minutes of juggling.

After this it’s New Orleans tomorrow for the annual conference of the Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons. There I’ll rejoin the Arthritis Huddle group and talk about ways to help patients cope with arthritis. And after that it’s back to Boston for some much needed rest…at college.

Saturday, February 08, 2003

There’s nothing easy about living in New Orleans when you have arthritis. People like me should be exempt from the phrase "Big Easy". This was the second time I’ve been to NOLA, and for the second time I say to myself "this place makes me hurt". There’s a perfectly good explanation: too much partying and way too little sleep. How can you sleep when the temptations of Bourbon Street are calling your name? Or I should say singing your name. Or drinking your name. But I digress…

Sitting in the all-too-familiar Atlanta Hartsfield Airport, I try to catch my breath on my way home to Boston after a whirlwind week. What’s scary is when they announced our arriving gate I actually knew exactly where I planned to grab some dinner. This is the night flight, which doesn’t help because now more than ever I want to take a nap. I am having trouble sitting up, walking straight and thinking clearly today. And it’s all because of a long night that ended too late to make up for lost time. This is what happens when I don’t get my 8 hours of sleep. I would have settled for 6. Okay, I’d settle for 4 this time around.

While in town we stopped in on the AAOS (American Association of Orthopedic Surgeons) to get medical updates, meet new doctors and help out with the Mobic events. Saw Namath and we caught up on what’s been going on. Told him about my knee a couple months ago, and I think the fact that it happened at a party was why he related so well to my pain.

Paging Boston Passenger Seth G. Your nap is ready for immediate departure.

Tuesday, February 18, 2003

I must be getting old because the thought of having a snow day really bugs me now. Back in the day when it snowed at night I suddenly found God. I mean I became the most religious kid – as I’m sure most youngsters are – because of how often I pleaded with my life to have school cancelled the next day. But now that I’m older and I have things to do the next day, snow does nothing more than get in the way.

Like cleaning off my car. That required about 45 minutes. Luckily I enlisted the help of my roommate (a native Maine-iac) Dave who had the foresight to bring a shovel inside before the storm. Things going through my mind while shoveling out 24" of snow this morning: 1) I hate my life. 2) I hate my body. 3) I need a massage. 4) Should have used public transportation. 5) See number 2.

But what good is a snow day if you can’t hop back into bed, never change out of your pajamas and just relax and take it easy. Now that the hard part is done I’m ready to do just that. A full day of cable television, maybe brushing up on some tax law and an occasional nap is definitely going to hit the spot.

And just for the record, "yes, it’s cold enough for me". For some reason people ask me all day long "cold enough out there?" As if I have some say in how cold it gets? This I don’t get.

Sunday, February 23, 2003

For the first time in a long time I was made to feel so happy that I forgot about everything else going on in my life. I stood in the middle of the room where I was (my secret place is somewhat private, or at least embarrassing enough not to mention), and just took in what was going on. It reminded me of when I was a kid and nothing mattered in the world. And the world wore a smile, the very way I did.

For anyone out there who isn’t feeling well I suggest finding the place I was today, whatever or wherever it may be for you, and having a seat. Look around. Smile. You’ll feel better in an instant.