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December 2002

Sunday, December 01, 2002

Day three of my experiment.

Two days ago I woke up with the bright idea to stop taking my medicine. I had a really bad dream that my kidneys and liver weren’t functioning and it made me wake up in a cold sweat. I didn’t know what it was from, but I think it had to do with a glass of wine I had at a wedding. So I figured that I would just take a few days to see what would happen if I went cold turkey. It sure beat kidney failure.

It’s been a rocky start. When you rely so heavily on medicine – for the past 8 years – and get into a routine, breaking it is difficult. But at the same time it’s freedom. No more planning breakfasts around pills when I’m not even hungry. No more worrying if the sip of alcohol is going to hurt. No more nonsense. But the tradeoff is pain. And lots of it.

Every morning hurts a little more and more. Every step feels steeper and steeper. It’s like I’m in my car driving faster and faster. The tachometer is at 5,000 RPM and I’m only in first gear.

It’s probably not the safest thing to do, and by all means I’d never suggest anyone else try something like this. I feel comfortable with my body and in a sense I’m inviting my aches and my pain over for dinner. These days they’re my two best friends.

It’s going to get worse before it gets better.

Wednesday, December 04, 2002

My experiment continues. It’s not easy, it’s not fun, and it’s certainly not working. But I have no options right now. I’m tied up with school work, I actually have finals next week (what is that all about?), and I don’t have time to deal. So "sit and suffer", as they say. Which is exactly what I’m doing.

Actually I found a place that gives really cheap massages on the internet so I booked an appointment for later today, after classes. The thought actually crossed my mind to skip school, get a massage and just relax today, but then I realized I wasn’t at Club Med. So right after class I will get out of here, head to Braintree Massachusetts and get my dirt cheap massage. I’m sure there will be a catch, like I need to wash linens for the following hour, or I’ll be expected to tip 60% or something. Those things always happen to me, just when I think I’m getting a good deal.

So what’s in store? I have no idea, except I need a massage like a fish needs water. Or like a camel needs sand. Or even like a model needs plastic surgery. Not to mention the way Jeff needs N’Sync. But most importantly, I need a massage like a kid with bad arthritis needs a massage.

So for twelve bucks I’ll get one.

Tuesday, December 10, 2002

In college there is a week called "reading days" when you don’t have class and you are supposedly preparing for the finals that are on the eventual horizon. This is where I reside right now. I don’t read, however. Instead I am letting the entire semester’s information "marinate" if you will. This way next week when I have to write my exams I can just spew out 10 weeks of freshly presented material in a manner that makes sense and allows me to pass.

Wishful thinking.

Aside from that things are good. It’s quiet around here as everyone is sobering up to the fact that the semester is already over. Definitely the quickest one on record, it seems like yesterday that we were in Houston or I was sweating out the summer days. This can be in part due to the fact that we’ve been to 6 cities in the last 10 weeks. Time travels when you’re playing in Salt Lake City or going to bed early in New Orleans. Reverse that.

And so for the next few days I will have to politely let my friend Melissa know that studying this far in advance is worthless. I keep reminding her of the quote that has gotten me this far which is "if it weren’t for the last minute, nothing would get done".

Amen.

Wednesday, December 18, 2002

Today I found something that I have been missing for months. When most people think of something they have used every day, twice a day actually, for the last 7 years – a wallet or a pair of shoes or even a toothbrush comes to mind. And the thought of losing this thing, whatever it may be, is almost devastating.

For me it was tragedy a few months ago when I couldn’t find my favorite pill case. Not the world’s most exciting stuff here, but if you had any idea how much I relied on this baby, you’d understand. Which I’m sure plenty of people can relate to, at least around here. It was every day I took this pill case out, or on many a social night concealed it in my pocket. Nice and sleek…just big enough to hold one set of pills, and if I left one or two out, I’d squeeze in a second set. Something I did often. Black, no writing on it, I even had style donning my portable pharmacy.

And then it disappeared. Gone. I checked every pocket of every pair of pants and jacket I owned. Eventually I gave up, and bid my old, faithful friend goodbye.

Until today. When packing up to come back home for winter break I found my old friend. It was actually a moment I had, at which point I realized how much of a dork I must have looked like. Followed by "I really need to write about this one" as I stood in the middle of my room, tearing, while holding my stupid pill case.

Sometimes it’s the small things in life that make you happy.

Sunday, December 22, 2002

Sundays were made for three things: sleeping in, watching football, and catching up with people in your life that you don’t have time for during the week. What I wouldn’t do for an extra Sunday in the week…

Today I slept in for most of the morning, which when I’m home means I get up really early and go downstairs and watch TV on the couch while I doze in and out. It’s at this point that I keep the channel constantly changing so as to maximize my movie-viewing potential. This felt so great since in college your only option is to stay in bed since there are no big comfortable couches to nap on. Good for the body is good for the soul.

And that’s basically it. Shayne came over and jumped on the couch to watch some TV with me. Amazing how doing nothing can feel like doing everything at the same time, when it’s with the right person.

Which makes today among the least eventful but most memorable days on record.

Tuesday, December 31, 2002

It's the last day of 2002 and all I can say is "wow". Considering how I've felt in the past and no doubt will feel in the future, I am very luck that on this, the last day of the year, I feel somewhat O.K.

It's a great way to end a year and an even better way to start one.