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Rheumatoid arthritis doesn’t quit for birthdays

Hurting but happy, Arthritic Chick flares and her daughter’s celebration continues

Yesterday was my daughter’s twelfth birthday.  One year short of teenager-hood, although she already has the teenage attitude down pat.

I am suffering today, as I’m sure many of you would expect.  My daughter’s bestie is still here post sleepover party.  They had leftover birthday cake and chips for breakfast.  The rule with my daughter is it’s still her birthday as long as the party continues.  And the party continues as long as her bestie is still here.  Sounds like a fair philosophy – why not keep celebrating?

My son has a friend over and they are watching The Lord of the Rings.  So they will be entertained for several hours.

And me?  I’m doing the bare essentials.  I’m hurting. And I’m happy.  My philosophy is that I try to do as much as I can, and live life to the fullest.  I try to forget my limitations, and forget the pain. There is, of course, a level of pain that can’t be ignored.  And I’m there today.  But I’m still happy.  And my belief is that you can deal with a lot more pain when you are happy, than when you are depressed, or sad or angry. 

I know I’m making that sound a whole lot easier than it really is.  And yes, I did need to go off and disappear for a few times yesterday (and today) and let some tears out, because the pain was bad.  And crying helps.  But I don’t like people to see.  Particularly the people I love, and particularly when they are celebrating.

I have to thank my ex-husband.  He drove us all around all day, and had I had to do the driving, we would have headed for home after about two hours.  And my girl would have missed out.  So I am grateful that, though he couldn’t be the husband I needed, he can be a friend.  And we can still share our children’s special moments, and not have to split special occasions.  And our children still feel that we are a family, albeit a non-traditional one.

We are not the typical family.  We are most certainly not the typical separated family.  And I take credit for that.  I let a lot of things go, forgave a lot of slights.  Put away my short term fury for long term peace and harmony.  Because it’s easier for me this way, in the long term. I don’t need the ongoing stress of a feud with my ex.  Most of all, it’s easier for my kids. 

It’s sure as hell easier for my ex-husband.  He lucks in, cos I’m not typical.  I don’t want to be angry. I don’t want revenge. I don’t want to punish him because he let me down. All of that is going to keep me locked in the past, and that’s not where life is supposed to be lived. I don’t like to look back, I don’t like ‘remember whens’. 

Maybe it’s because I was way cooler back then – I was fit, healthy, strong and capable of doing whatever I wanted to do.  Mostly it’s just because life is happening now, and if you spend all your time thinking of what was, you’re missing this moment.  And what could be.

I can spend my time being angry about what my ex-husband couldn’t give me (and sometimes I still am. I’m not a saint.)  Or I can spend my time being grateful for the things we still have. 

Forgiveness and gratitude are the keys to happiness for me. 

Postblog:

It is now two days later.  And the flare continues.  I have been couch-bound for three days now. I literally can’t get up, except for essentials….like feeding the kids and going to the bathroom. 

This is more than a flare due to ‘over doing it’.  This is more than a normal flare.  Wait…what exactly is ‘normal’ about a flare anyway?

I haven’t felt this intensity of pain in this many joints for quite a while…Yesterday was my daughter’s twelfth birthday.  One year short of teenager-hood, although she already has the teenage attitude down pat.

I am suffering today, as I’m sure many of you would expect.  My daughter’s bestie is still here post sleepover party.  They had leftover birthday cake and chips for breakfast.  The rule with my daughter is it’s still her birthday as long as the party continues.  And the party continues as long as her bestie is still here.  Sounds like a fair philosophy – why not keep celebrating?

My son has a friend over and they are watching The Lord of the Rings.  So they will be entertained for several hours.

And me?  I’m doing the bare essentials.  I’m hurting. And I’m happy.  My philosophy is that I try to do as much as I can, and live life to the fullest.  I try to forget my limitations, and forget the pain. There is, of course, a level of pain that can’t be ignored.  And I’m there today.  But I’m still happy.  And my belief is that you can deal with a lot more pain when you are happy, than when you are depressed, or sad or angry. 

I know I’m making that sound a whole lot easier than it really is.  And yes, I did need to go off and disappear for a few times yesterday (and today) and let some tears out, because the pain was bad.  And crying helps.  But I don’t like people to see.  Particularly the people I love, and particularly when they are celebrating.

I have to thank my ex-husband.  He drove us all around all day, and had I had to do the driving, we would have headed for home after about two hours.  And my girl would have missed out.  So I am grateful that, though he couldn’t be the husband I needed, he can be a friend.  And we can still share our children’s special moments, and not have to split special occasions.  And our children still feel that we are a family, albeit a non-traditional one.

We are not the typical family.  We are most certainly not the typical separated family.  And I take credit for that.  I let a lot of things go, forgave a lot of slights.  Put away my short term fury for long term peace and harmony.  Because it’s easier for me this way, in the long term. I don’t need the ongoing stress of a feud with my ex.  Most of all, it’s easier for my kids. 

It’s sure as hell easier for my ex-husband.  He lucks in, cos I’m not typical.  I don’t want to be angry. I don’t want revenge. I don’t want to punish him because he let me down. All of that is going to keep me locked in the past, and that’s not where life is supposed to be lived. I don’t like to look back, I don’t like ‘remember whens’. 

Maybe it’s because I was way cooler back then – I was fit, healthy, strong and capable of doing whatever I wanted to do.  Mostly it’s just because life is happening now, and if you spend all your time thinking of what was, you’re missing this moment.  And what could be.

I can spend my time being angry about what my ex-husband couldn’t give me (and sometimes I still am. I’m not a saint.)  Or I can spend my time being grateful for the things we still have. 

Forgiveness and gratitude are the keys to happiness for me. 

Postblog:

It is now two days later.  And the flare continues.  I have been couch-bound for three days now. I literally can’t get up, except for essentials….like feeding the kids and going to the bathroom. 

This is more than a flare due to ‘over doing it’.  This is more than a normal flare.  Wait…what exactly is ‘normal’ about a flare anyway?

I haven’t felt this intensity of pain in this many joints for quite a while…and now my mind is wandering to the ‘how long will this last’ question.  The painful question…the unanswerable.

Best guess?  As long as it lasts.  But it can’t rain all the time. 

and now my mind is wandering to the ‘how long will this last’ question.  The painful question…the unanswerable.

Best guess?  As long as it lasts.  But it can’t rain all the time.  

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