To Move, Or Not To Move

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I just met this great guy -- smart, intelligent, and he makes me laugh. We've gone on a few dates and I think I'm falling for him.

The problem? I'm moving to New York in a few months for work. What do I do?

-Antsy Midwesterner

Dear Antsy,

Which is more important to your personal happiness: career success or a healthy relationship? If work is, you'll hate yourself for not heading out east and pursuing your dream job. If it's sharing your life with a partner who can make you laugh (and take it from my cranky, old self, THAT can be hard to come by!), then you need to take pause -- if the relationship blossoms into something serious, you may need to cancel those moving vans.

Either way, you may not be able to have it all. Though, in my mind, no job in the world can hold a candle to a humorous fella who gives foot rubs and can make vanilla pudding with vanilla wafers (though, preferably not at the same time).

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

My boyfriend is in the Air Force. He might be stationed out of state soon, and he wants us to get married so that I can go with him. I'm not sure how my mom is going to react because she constantly insists I put myself first in my life.

But this guy is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I know I will find the happy future my mom wants for me with him. Should I marry him?

-Holly in Houston

Dear Holly,

You're at least thinking this through before rushing in -- something for which your mother should be very grateful.

I'm of two minds. I don't want you clinging to the arm of a man solely "for security." It's 2008 -- you can provide for yourself just as well as any man. On the other hand, far be it for me to derail youthful love.

If you love him, he's a good man, and you want to support his armed forces career, I say do it. Worry less about what your mother wants -- this is, as she says, your life.

Dear Ms. Meniscus,

I hate my husband. He is abusive and controlling and violent. I suffer from anxiety because of him.

How can I try to relax in a house that is like hell to me?

-Rosie in Richmond

Dear Rosie,

GET OUT OF THERE. I've said this before to readers: if you're in an abusive environment -- verbal or physical, it doesn't matter, get out. You deserve better. You deserve to live in a home with a partner who loves you, respects you, and treats you with kindness.

Spouses often stay with their abusive partners out of fear. Fear of financial insecurity outside the relationship. Fear of starting work after a period of inactivity. Fear of reprisal if he finds you.

Don't let fear rule your life. Your years on this planet are limited and precious -- don't let some jerk on an ego-trip squander them. There is help.

Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at either (800) 799-SAFE or (800) 787-3224. You can also visit them online at: http://www.ndvh.org

Remember that computer use can be monitored and is impossible to completely clear. If you think your husband may be monitoring your computer usage, call the hotline or use a safer computer.

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