respect
The Hard of Hearing
Family and friends come to me with tech help, but they won't listen to my recommendations. Oftentimes they ignore my advice and turn to someone else ... but then call me up later to clean up the mess their "tech friend" created. What do I do? -- Mad Mark
Dear Mark,
The obvious answer is stop helping them -- ESPECIALLY when they've ignored your advice and created an even bigger mess.
Here you were, willing and able to volunteer your time to help them in the first place. And your time is much too valuable to waste cleaning up messes that were entirely avoidable.
-- M
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The Perpetual Victim
No one in my family supports me. My husband and children will defend everyone under the sun, no matter their fault -- except for me. I give, and I give, and I give ... and get nothing in return. -- Luisa in Lexington
Dear Luisa,
If you're as strong-willed as you sound, then you've trained your family to think that you don't need any support or words of encouragement. (In fact, you've probably bitten their heads off when they tried to give it. Surprise, they stopped giving it.)
If you feel that they don't appreciate your efforts, stop giving. Let them see what life is like when they have to shop for their own groceries and do their own laundry. And listen to what they have to say -- their outside perspectives on situations in your life may yield new, relaxing solutions. Reason with them and explain your perspective. (If everyone around you thinks you're in the wrong, it should cause a moment of pause.)
Communicate and shift more of the housework load to the others. They'll soon appreciate all of the work that you do.
-- M
Have a question for Ms. Meniscus?
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The Missed Appointments
My friend breaks our plans all the time. I've confronted her about this, but she thinks I'm making a mess out of nothing. What should I do? -- Rita in Rohnert Park
Dear Rita,
Your friend is disrespecting you and your time. You're entirely right to share with her that you feel mistreated and hurt.
If she doesn't change her ways, it's time to find a better friend.
-- M
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The Abuser
A bud of mine and I became good friends in college because he helped me through a really sad time. Now, however, he blows me off frequently at the last minute, always disrespects my wishes when it comes to hanging out, and seems to have more fun with new friends he's made ... who happen to socialize on a slightly higher level than his old friends ever could. What do I do? -- Pat in Purchase
Dear Pat,
My poor poppet -- if there is one thing I hate, loathe, and detest in this world, it is flaky people. And you, my friend, have found one.
This acquaintance of yours (trust me, he's no true friend) shows no respect for you, your wishes, or your time. He's only ever going to cause trouble from this point on -- and he's not worth it.
Cut him loose and hang with friends who treat you well.
-- M
The Indecisive One
I fully expect that when we graduate high school, many of us friends will grow apart -- and that's OK. I have this friend, though, that bugged me, bugged me, bugged me to keep in touch and not let things change. I've tried several times, but haven't heard a peep ... except when she contacts me every few months complaining about how we're growing apart. How do I stop this? -- Lucy in Logansport
Dear Lucy,
It sounds like your friend is refusing to accept reality, which is wholly unhealthy.
You have accepted it, which is good -- but very annoying when she contacts you, completely unable to make up her mind (if she had, she either wouldn't call you, or would follow through on her words with some action).
Give her an ultimatum. If she meets it, and you're still interested in the benefits she brings to your life, see where the friendship goes.
If she bails, cut her loose.
-- M
The Disrespectful Interloper
My friend keeps promising me that he'll take care of this errand for me (in fact, the only reason I didn't take care of it two weeks ago was because he insisted he'd do it). Now I'm coming up against a deadline and don't know what to do. -- Austin in Austin
Dear Austin,
Give him tomorrow as an ultimatum. If he can't or won't meet it, take care of the errand yourself.
Then tell your friend you'll remember this the next time he needs help with something -- explaining the disrespect his actions have shown you.
-- M
Bath time for Baby
