relationships
The Roommate Stalker
My roommate is driving me crazy -- he doesn't tell me when he's coming or going, or what he's doing. What do I do? -- Mary in Mississippi
Dear Mary,
What your roommate is doing and where he's going is none of your business. He is an adult, just as yourself, and doesn't have to answer to anyone – including you.
Relax and give him space. You're probably driving him crazy right now.
-- M
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The Ungrateful Children
My husband and I have always believed in an allowance for our children -- we didn't want them to be distracted from school by jobs. But now that they're college students, all they want to do is spend our money like crazy. Why do they do this? -- Betty in Birmingham
Dear Betty,
You are reaping what you sowed, my dear. Your children have no respect for or regard of money because you've never taught them to -- they actually think it magically grows on trees. And as they've grown, so has their appetite for material possessions.
Stop giving them money to spend! And make them figure out how to pay their bills (yes, children, this means acquiring a job and holding onto it, whilst attending school at the same time).
-- M
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The French Boyfriend
My boyfriend had to return to France, where's he from (we met while he studied here in America). I miss him terribly and can't stop thinking about him. The distance and uncertainty are hurting our relationship. I'm scared I might lose him. I feel lost most days. What should I do? -- Annoyed Adam
Dear Adam,
Do you love him? If so, the answer is easy: do everything in your power to obtain a work or student visa and take a spin in the Old Country. (Think of it as your turn to travel.)
What is there to be scared of? Being happy? Leaving material possessions behind? (Trust me, you can replace them.)
Life is too short. Go to France. Go get your man.
-- M
A Mother's Ill Effect
My mother is very judgmental and it's causing problems for my girlfriend, who came from a very supportive, non-criticising family. How do I fix this? -- Mulling Michael
Dear Michael,
Call your mother out when she's making judgmental statements. Do this as they happen. She needs to learn how her words are affecting those around her.
If hurt feelings don't persuade her, appeal to her sense of social etiquette: needlessly attacking family and friends verbally is just plain rude.
Do something. This is 2009. Your girlfriend is not going to stay with someone who won't stand up to his mother.
-- M
The Fearful Friend
I have had the hugest crush on this friend of mine for several months now, and it's getting worse. Normally I'm the center of the party. But when he enters the room, I find it increasingly difficult to breathe, let alone string two words together. What do I do? -- Talkative Todd
Dear Todd,
You, my friend, have the Band-Aid Syndrome. You've been dreaming for so long about the possibilities of what may happen if you broach this subject with him that you've grown terrified of the potential (and perhaps nonexistent) pain involved.
Rip off the Band-Aid!
Call up your friend and ask him if he wants to grab lunch sometime. While you're eating and chatting, gauge his interest. Maybe he's been flirting with you this whole time, but you were too nervous to notice.
And maybe he's not interested, but would like to be platonic friends. Whichever the case, you'll have vanquished this overwhelming weight hanging over you.
-- M
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