partner event
Don't Cheat Yourself
Dear Ms. Meniscus, Hi, I am in a relationship with a man who is 20 years older than me. I love him very much and he shows me so much love and appreciation. There is nothing that I can complain about him. He is attentive and loving. Now, as I am feeling stronger for him, I begin feeling doubts. When he does not call me for a few hours, I feel he is out with someone else. He texts me sweet things but I want to call him but do not want to check up on him. Please help me. Should I be worried about anything? I feel all men cheat. Thanks. -Cindy
Dear Cindy,
Cindy, you're being self-destructive. Stop it. You can't believe you've lucked into this great relationship, you are convinced you don't deserve it, and now you're working hard at destroying it. Take a step back and have a nice cold drink of reality. When he's not with you think of what you're going to do with him when you see him. Buy him small gifts, prepare to have fun when you're together. And, most of all, before you go to sleep each night make sure you thank him for being in your life and for helping you have another wonderful day. When you wake up in the morning kiss him, smile at him and say good morning. All men do not cheat, but thinking they do is a fast way to destroy a great relationship.
--M
All Chewed Up
Dear Ms. Meniscus, I have been married for 20 years and my husband eats very loudly all the time. I have tried turning up the TV during dinner to block out the sound and I can still hear him chewing. I have turned on music and have even asked him to try and quiet his audible chewing. He does nothing to reduce his chewing noise and I'm ready to divorce him over it. What can I do? -Irritated Wife
Dear Irritated,
Providing he doesn't have false teeth from Wal-Mart, he's doing this on purpose to irritate you and it's working. The problem is not his chewing but why he's so angry. Ask him, but not while you're eating. Depending on his answer, you'll need to make a choice. If he chooses to continue eating loudly, you can't make him stop. You can control your actions, however. You can choose to eat at another time or in another room. You can also choose not to make his dinner, if you currently do. You hold the power in this relationship. Use it creatively in ways that do not reward him for his immature behavior.
--M
Trust and Marriage
Dear Ms. Meniscus, My wife of almost eight years told me the other day that she had been lying to me about her past. She was the first woman I had ever been with, and had told me I was her first as well. I have to say initially it hurt imagining that, but the real problem for me is the honesty. I am not sure that I can trust her any more. How do I know she is not lying about being faithful in our marriage? I am having a real hard time forgiving her. How can I get over this? -Agonized Amir
Dear Amir,
Forgiveness is hard. The key to getting through it is that you have to want to forgive.
Do you still love your wife? If so, the answer is obvious: sit down and continue this conversation with her. Take it as a blessing that she feels more comfortable with you now than she did all those years ago.
Also keep in mind that having multiple intimate partners before marriage has nothing to do with someone being monogamous and faithful to his/her spouse after it. Perhaps she saw this as a little white lie, told to protect your feelings. Or perhaps she was afraid of condemnation on your part. Talk to her. Let her prove you can trust her now more than ever.
--M
Rules of Engagement
Dear Ms. Meniscus, I am having trouble with my fiance. We have been together for almost six years, but lately we argue. A lot. I am not sure about my feelings for him, but I am scared of being alone. What can I do? -Kasey in Concordia
Dear Kasey,
Having a partner just for company's sake is not worth perpetual tension and arguing, especially if you've grown apart over time. If you are not one hundred percent sure you love this man and want to marry him, get out. This is your life -- and someone else is out there with whom you have more in common.
--M
Fight for his Wife
Dear Ms. Meniscus, I have been dating a Christian man who has his own Gospel Group. He told me he had been divorced about six months, separated for almost a year. After dating for almost three months, his wife (!) told me that she found out about ME, which made HER ask for a divorce. He allowed me to fall in love with him BEFORE telling me he was still MARRIED. I have never been married and am a very loving person. I am having such a hard time walking away because of course he starts saying everything I want to hear. PLEASE tell me how to gain the courage and strength to WALK AWAY. -Chipped Crystal
Dear Crystal,
Either folks are getting more hypocritical, or we're simply becoming more aware of it.
Ol' Meniscus here keeps her faith close to the heart. I've always been wary of those who shove it in the faces of others -- seems like they're overcompensating for something.
Regardless, you already stated the answer to your dilemma. For your emotional health and the stability of your world, you need to leave this lying, two-timing hypocrite, and stand on your own two feet. Do it out of love for yourself. Someone is out there who will love you truly.
And for heaven's sake, do it out of compassion for his wife -- think of the torment she's gone through, and you're contributing to that!
--M
Flared Eye - OUCH!!
