parenting and children
The Ungrateful Children
My husband and I have always believed in an allowance for our children -- we didn't want them to be distracted from school by jobs. But now that they're college students, all they want to do is spend our money like crazy. Why do they do this? -- Betty in Birmingham
Dear Betty,
You are reaping what you sowed, my dear. Your children have no respect for or regard of money because you've never taught them to -- they actually think it magically grows on trees. And as they've grown, so has their appetite for material possessions.
Stop giving them money to spend! And make them figure out how to pay their bills (yes, children, this means acquiring a job and holding onto it, whilst attending school at the same time).
-- M
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The Perpetual Victim
No one in my family supports me. My husband and children will defend everyone under the sun, no matter their fault -- except for me. I give, and I give, and I give ... and get nothing in return. -- Luisa in Lexington
Dear Luisa,
If you're as strong-willed as you sound, then you've trained your family to think that you don't need any support or words of encouragement. (In fact, you've probably bitten their heads off when they tried to give it. Surprise, they stopped giving it.)
If you feel that they don't appreciate your efforts, stop giving. Let them see what life is like when they have to shop for their own groceries and do their own laundry. And listen to what they have to say -- their outside perspectives on situations in your life may yield new, relaxing solutions. Reason with them and explain your perspective. (If everyone around you thinks you're in the wrong, it should cause a moment of pause.)
Communicate and shift more of the housework load to the others. They'll soon appreciate all of the work that you do.
-- M
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