pain
The Fearful Friend
I have had the hugest crush on this friend of mine for several months now, and it's getting worse. Normally I'm the center of the party. But when he enters the room, I find it increasingly difficult to breathe, let alone string two words together. What do I do? -- Talkative Todd
Dear Todd,
You, my friend, have the Band-Aid Syndrome. You've been dreaming for so long about the possibilities of what may happen if you broach this subject with him that you've grown terrified of the potential (and perhaps nonexistent) pain involved.
Rip off the Band-Aid!
Call up your friend and ask him if he wants to grab lunch sometime. While you're eating and chatting, gauge his interest. Maybe he's been flirting with you this whole time, but you were too nervous to notice.
And maybe he's not interested, but would like to be platonic friends. Whichever the case, you'll have vanquished this overwhelming weight hanging over you.
-- M
The Rude Diners
I was at dinner the other night and fellow patrons were saying the rudest things about my friends and I. I confronted them about this as we were leaving, and felt all the worse for doing so. What should I have done? -- David in Delaware
Dear David,
A tough situation -- in order to solve a problem, your instinct tells you to confront it head-on. However, you cannot change the attitudes or maturity levels of strangers.
If these people have nothing better to do at dinner than make fun of others, take pity on their sorry lives. Ignore them. And move on, enjoying your life (in which your enjoyment does not come at the expense of others).
P.S. -- If this happens again, simply ask the waiter to reseat you far away from the rude diners.
-- M
The Mean Mother-in-Law
My mother-in-law had the audacity to tell me my choice of clothing makes me look matronly and boring -- two traits that were sure to cause problems in my marriage. To be honest, I wanted to punch her in the face. The gall! What should I do? -- Matronly Mary
Dear Mary,
Mothers-in-law know nothing. (Mine was a complete idiot.) They have proven since time memorium that their principle purpose is to cause discord in the relationships of their offspring.
Perhaps a subconscious -- or even conscious -- effort to keep their chicks from leaving the nest?
Don't punch her. That would only cause problems between you and your husband -- giving the Evil One exactly what she so desires.
Instead, swiftly end any conversation with your mother-in-law when she turns hurtful. And, in private, share with your husband what she's said, explaining how it hurts your feelings.
-- M
Overwhelmed by the Guilt Arthritis Brings
After working all day, when I get home, I can barely move. I know my husband -- kind and supportive as he has been with my arthritis -- gets tired of cooking or doing things for himself. But I am in so much pain, it's not worth the walk across the room to even eat. I am getting very depressed and find myself pushing him away, thinking he does not deserve this. How do you get over the guilt of what this disease does to you and your family? -- Guilty Sarah
Dear Sarah,
My sweet cherub, there is no simple solution to your dilemma -- and my heart aches that guilt has caused such hardship in your life.
To me, your letter speaks to a larger problem and, as such, I have asked Dr. Laurie to help us create a guide for moving forward.
Please read her thoughts by clicking here.
-- M
Flared Eye - OUCH!!
