marriage
The Unexpected Divorce
My brother recently filed for divorce from his wife after 43 years of marriage. It seemed kind of sudden and came a few months after he was in a hiking accident where he fell and severely bumped his head. I am wondering if it might have affected him. Why else would he suddenly want a divorce? -- Bucko in Boise
Dear Bucko,
I'm sorry to hear about the pending divorce. Divorces are rarely easy. First let's assume your brother has seen a physician, had the requisite scans and is healthy. If he has not, he needs to do this immediately.
Once medical issues are out of the way, it's time to understand that while divorces may sometimes seem like sudden decisions, they rarely are. A divorce is the result of years, and sometimes decades, of unhappiness. We all get comfortable with the status quo and so it takes a lot of energy to actually put the legal, psychological, social and economic mechanisms in place to get divorced. This is why there are so many unhappy marriages. It's just easier for many people to live with the unhappiness they know than venture into the unknown.
It is possible that after your brother's hiking accident he thought about his own mortality -- as well as his satisfaction with the life he has created -- and decided to make a change. After 43 years of marriage, a divorce will represent an enormous upheaval -- so you might want to think about how you can support him during this transition.
Respecting his decision and allowing him to find the happiness he is missing is a great way to show that you are there for him.
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The Ungrateful Children
My husband and I have always believed in an allowance for our children -- we didn't want them to be distracted from school by jobs. But now that they're college students, all they want to do is spend our money like crazy. Why do they do this? -- Betty in Birmingham
Dear Betty,
You are reaping what you sowed, my dear. Your children have no respect for or regard of money because you've never taught them to -- they actually think it magically grows on trees. And as they've grown, so has their appetite for material possessions.
Stop giving them money to spend! And make them figure out how to pay their bills (yes, children, this means acquiring a job and holding onto it, whilst attending school at the same time).
-- M
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