Dear Bucko,

I'm sorry to hear about the pending divorce.  Divorces are rarely easy.  First let's assume your brother has seen a physician, had the requisite scans and is healthy.  If he has not, he needs to do this immediately.

Once medical issues are out of the way, it's time to understand that while divorces may sometimes seem like sudden decisions, they rarely are.  A divorce is the result of years, and sometimes decades, of unhappiness.  We all get comfortable with the status quo and so it takes a lot of energy to actually put the legal, psychological, social and economic mechanisms in place to get divorced.  This is why there are so many unhappy marriages. It's just easier for many people to live with the unhappiness they know than venture into the unknown.

It is possible that after your brother's hiking accident he thought about his own mortality -- as well as his satisfaction with the life he has created -- and decided to make a change.  After 43 years of marriage, a divorce will represent an enormous upheaval -- so you might want to think about how you can support him during this transition.

Respecting his decision and allowing him to find the happiness he is missing is a great way to show that you are there for him.

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Dear Mary,

What your roommate is doing and where he's going is none of your business.  He is an adult, just as yourself, and doesn't have to answer to anyone – including you.

Relax and give him space.  You're probably driving him crazy right now.

-- M

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Dear Isabella,

Today's youth, so unintentionally humorous.  You know, for much of recorded history, humans didn't have air conditioning.  Alas, we grow accustomed to our comforts.

Try this:  close all of the air vents downstairs.  Make sure all of the vents upstairs are open.  Let the AC run.

All of the cold air will be funneled upstairs.  Cool air will eventually fall throughout your townhouse.  See if this doesn't make it easier to sleep.

Now, if your thermostat is downstairs, it may rarely register a cool enough temperature to turn off.  And the concentrated coldness may turn upstairs into Siberia.  To balance energy costs with comfort both upstairs and down, experiment opening and closing different combinations of vents.

-- M

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Dear Luisa,

If you're as strong-willed as you sound, then you've trained your family to think that you don't need any support or words of encouragement.  (In fact, you've probably bitten their heads off when they tried to give it.  Surprise, they stopped giving it.)

If you feel that they don't appreciate your efforts, stop giving.  Let them see what life is like when they have to shop for their own groceries and do their own laundry.  And listen to what they have to say -- their outside perspectives on situations in your life may yield new, relaxing solutions.  Reason with them and explain your perspective.  (If everyone around you thinks you're in the wrong, it should cause a moment of pause.)

Communicate and shift more of the housework load to the others.  They'll soon appreciate all of the work that you do.

-- M

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Dear Susan,

Your daughter-in-law may not know she's hurting your feelings.  Perhaps her upbringing didn't include thank you cards -- or perhaps she thinks a text message thank you suffices (personal aside:  *shudder).

Lead by example.  When your son and daughter-in-law do something nice for you -- anything in the near future -- mail them a nice thank you card just for that action.  Do this again and again.  Your daughter-in-law may think it's fun and cotton on.

-- M