Dear Bucko,

I'm sorry to hear about the pending divorce.  Divorces are rarely easy.  First let's assume your brother has seen a physician, had the requisite scans and is healthy.  If he has not, he needs to do this immediately.

Once medical issues are out of the way, it's time to understand that while divorces may sometimes seem like sudden decisions, they rarely are.  A divorce is the result of years, and sometimes decades, of unhappiness.  We all get comfortable with the status quo and so it takes a lot of energy to actually put the legal, psychological, social and economic mechanisms in place to get divorced.  This is why there are so many unhappy marriages. It's just easier for many people to live with the unhappiness they know than venture into the unknown.

It is possible that after your brother's hiking accident he thought about his own mortality -- as well as his satisfaction with the life he has created -- and decided to make a change.  After 43 years of marriage, a divorce will represent an enormous upheaval -- so you might want to think about how you can support him during this transition.

Respecting his decision and allowing him to find the happiness he is missing is a great way to show that you are there for him.

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Dear Carl,

Unfortunately unclear communication occurs all too often.  Luckily for you, the person sharing this conversation with you is your sister.

Continue to be direct with her.  Don't assume an antagonistic tone -- but gently explain to her that you truly value her opinion and want to know what she thinks.

Just be prepared that, if she has been holding back, she may have something to say you don't initially like.

-- M

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Dear Mark,

The obvious answer is stop helping them -- ESPECIALLY when they've ignored your advice and created an even bigger mess.

Here you were, willing and able to volunteer your time to help them in the first place.  And your time is much too valuable to waste cleaning up messes that were entirely avoidable.

-- M

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Dear Jennifer,

We are all our own fiercest advocates -- for ourselves and loved ones.  Do not hesitate to jump in the fray and work for better care for your mother.

Call the nursing home.  Call area doctors.  Talk to your own doctor for advice.  You do not have to settle for anything less than the best care possible for your mother.

If nothing progresses, consider traveling to where your mother is to track down these people in person and talk to them.  Or consider moving your mother closer to you to make in-person meetings easier.

Remember that your mother did exactly that for you during the first decades of your life.  No one should hesitate returning the favor.

-- M

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Dear Betty,

You are reaping what you sowed, my dear.  Your children have no respect for or regard of money because you've never taught them to -- they actually think it magically grows on trees.  And as they've grown, so has their appetite for material possessions.

Stop giving them money to spend!  And make them figure out how to pay their bills (yes, children, this means acquiring a job and holding onto it, whilst attending school at the same time).

-- M

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