emotions
A Mother's Ill Effect
My mother is very judgmental and it's causing problems for my girlfriend, who came from a very supportive, non-criticising family. How do I fix this? -- Mulling Michael
Dear Michael,
Call your mother out when she's making judgmental statements. Do this as they happen. She needs to learn how her words are affecting those around her.
If hurt feelings don't persuade her, appeal to her sense of social etiquette: needlessly attacking family and friends verbally is just plain rude.
Do something. This is 2009. Your girlfriend is not going to stay with someone who won't stand up to his mother.
-- M
The Rude Diners
I was at dinner the other night and fellow patrons were saying the rudest things about my friends and I. I confronted them about this as we were leaving, and felt all the worse for doing so. What should I have done? -- David in Delaware
Dear David,
A tough situation -- in order to solve a problem, your instinct tells you to confront it head-on. However, you cannot change the attitudes or maturity levels of strangers.
If these people have nothing better to do at dinner than make fun of others, take pity on their sorry lives. Ignore them. And move on, enjoying your life (in which your enjoyment does not come at the expense of others).
P.S. -- If this happens again, simply ask the waiter to reseat you far away from the rude diners.
-- M
The Mean Mother-in-Law
My mother-in-law had the audacity to tell me my choice of clothing makes me look matronly and boring -- two traits that were sure to cause problems in my marriage. To be honest, I wanted to punch her in the face. The gall! What should I do? -- Matronly Mary
Dear Mary,
Mothers-in-law know nothing. (Mine was a complete idiot.) They have proven since time memorium that their principle purpose is to cause discord in the relationships of their offspring.
Perhaps a subconscious -- or even conscious -- effort to keep their chicks from leaving the nest?
Don't punch her. That would only cause problems between you and your husband -- giving the Evil One exactly what she so desires.
Instead, swiftly end any conversation with your mother-in-law when she turns hurtful. And, in private, share with your husband what she's said, explaining how it hurts your feelings.
-- M
The Winter Blues
As the weather turns colder, I can't help but feel sad. This happens every year, and I don't know what to do. -- Nikki in Naperville
Dear Nikki,
If you find yourself severely incapacitated in daily activities, you may be suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) -- also known as "winter depression."
There is nothing to be ashamed of if this is the case. It's a matter of your brain's chemicals getting out of whack.
Pay a visit to your primary care physician or seek a referral to a psychologist -- a professional with whom you can discuss your experiences and plan a strategy to better manage them.
-- M
The Separated Lovers
My girlfriend is studying out of the country right now and I won't see her until Christmas. Being without her ... it's awful. Is this normal? -- Blue Billy
Dear Billy,
Of course it's normal for us to miss those we cherish -- especially when we're apart for long periods of time.
Have solace in this: it's almost Thanksgiving. You're nearing the finish line and you will see your sweetheart soon enough.
Until then -- don't mope. Don't get super clingy on the telephone. (Though she'll be flattered by your missing her, she's also probably having the time of her life. However, if her boyfriend's being a party pooper, it can taint her experience.)
And be strong. Start planning the wonderful, romantic dinner you'll share her first evening back.
-- M
Gone of Methatrexate
