communication
What She's Really Saying
When I'm talking to my sister, I feel like she's not really telling me what she's thinking. I'll notice an uptick in her voice, or a facial smirk. I'll repeat the question, and ask if something's on her mind, but to no avail. What do I do? -- Confused Carl
Dear Carl,
Unfortunately unclear communication occurs all too often. Luckily for you, the person sharing this conversation with you is your sister.
Continue to be direct with her. Don't assume an antagonistic tone -- but gently explain to her that you truly value her opinion and want to know what she thinks.
Just be prepared that, if she has been holding back, she may have something to say you don't initially like.
-- M
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The Hard of Hearing
Family and friends come to me with tech help, but they won't listen to my recommendations. Oftentimes they ignore my advice and turn to someone else ... but then call me up later to clean up the mess their "tech friend" created. What do I do? -- Mad Mark
Dear Mark,
The obvious answer is stop helping them -- ESPECIALLY when they've ignored your advice and created an even bigger mess.
Here you were, willing and able to volunteer your time to help them in the first place. And your time is much too valuable to waste cleaning up messes that were entirely avoidable.
-- M
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The New Co-Worker
I was promised that I'd be the only trainer in my club. Now another woman is being brought on board. I'm so angry I could quit. What do I do? -- Perturbed Patty
Dear Patty,
Your frustration is understandable, especially if someone new is being brought on board in lieu of you receiving a deserved raise. As hard as it is, you must relax, and figure out how to use these new circumstances to your advantage.
Pool your resources together with the new woman to ensure more clients for you both.
Split the load of undesirable tasks laid upon the trainers.
And stick up for yourself -- don't do anything you don't feel comfortable doing (like giving up clients you've already begun training).
-- M
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The Ungrateful Children
My husband and I have always believed in an allowance for our children -- we didn't want them to be distracted from school by jobs. But now that they're college students, all they want to do is spend our money like crazy. Why do they do this? -- Betty in Birmingham
Dear Betty,
You are reaping what you sowed, my dear. Your children have no respect for or regard of money because you've never taught them to -- they actually think it magically grows on trees. And as they've grown, so has their appetite for material possessions.
Stop giving them money to spend! And make them figure out how to pay their bills (yes, children, this means acquiring a job and holding onto it, whilst attending school at the same time).
-- M
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The Perpetual Victim
No one in my family supports me. My husband and children will defend everyone under the sun, no matter their fault -- except for me. I give, and I give, and I give ... and get nothing in return. -- Luisa in Lexington
Dear Luisa,
If you're as strong-willed as you sound, then you've trained your family to think that you don't need any support or words of encouragement. (In fact, you've probably bitten their heads off when they tried to give it. Surprise, they stopped giving it.)
If you feel that they don't appreciate your efforts, stop giving. Let them see what life is like when they have to shop for their own groceries and do their own laundry. And listen to what they have to say -- their outside perspectives on situations in your life may yield new, relaxing solutions. Reason with them and explain your perspective. (If everyone around you thinks you're in the wrong, it should cause a moment of pause.)
Communicate and shift more of the housework load to the others. They'll soon appreciate all of the work that you do.
-- M
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