Dear Ms. Meniscus:

My son and daughter have started calling me gymp. They are 13 and 12. I don’t limp, but I do have arthritis and often it will be apparent that I have limited range of motion. What can I do to stop this name calling? They are very smart and they won’t just stop doing it because I say so.

Not a gymp

Dear Not a Gymp,

“Kids say the darndest things,” or at least that is how the saying goes. Unfortunately this stops being “cute” once your children are 12 and 13. 

You have to teach them that it is not acceptable to make fun of people because of who they are or their limitations. What your kids really need, is a big dose of empathy. Get a lemon, and with them watching you, bite into the lemon. They will react by salivating and experiencing the tart sensation you are feeling, even though they are not actually biting into a lemon. Explain that this is empathy, and when they see you moving slowly or with limited range of motion, their response has to be to feel your pain, not to make fun of you. They need to ask you if you need help, not call you a gymp. You need to be this blunt with them. They are 12 and 13 and no matter how smart you think they are, you have to sometimes treat them like the dumbasses they are...

Children should be taught that there is room for joking, but not at the expense of others.

--M

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Ms. Meniscus:

I’ve been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, finally. I’ve been whining about my pain for a year now and two doctors told me to go see a psychiatrist. Now that I’m on my medication – Lyrica – I’m feeling better, but when I tell people I have fibro, they look at me, literally, like I’m crazy. This is a real disease and I’m tired of having to defend it. What can I say to these people when they insinuate that it’s all in my head?

Fibro-sufferer

Dear Fibro-sufferer,

Pain is invisible.  People tend to sympathize with diseases that they can see.  Education is the only way for people to become aware of diseases like fibromyalgia that mask themselves. This is why people who have cancer sometimes do not find out until it is too late. While the cancer is eating their body up from the inside, their gradual decline is sometimes not even noticed by them. 

You should educate yourself about fibro first, so that you the next time someone dismisses your condition, you can know the facts about your condition. Auto-immune diseases are absolutely real and can be debilitating or even deadly. Why else would we need to go into the doctor’s office periodically for sometimes very personal tests most of us would like to forget forever?

The next time someone insinuates that you are crazy because the disease is in your head, insinuate that they are crazy because they think that every condition has to manifest itself visibly and insist that they go to the doctor for a physical.

--M

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Ms. Meniscus:

My daughter has just been diagnosed with RA. She’s 17, and I think she’s had it for a couple years but we didn’t pay attention to her symptoms. I’m raising her alone and it doesn’t help that I’m totally healthy, eat and drink a little too much, only stopped smoking five years ago, and have always gloated about being indestructible. Since she was diagnosed, we’ve become more distant. We were never close, but we always got along. Now I think she is ashamed that she won’t grow old healthy like me, and that I won’t understand what she’s going through. Any advice?

Healthy Mom.

Dear Healthy Mom,

Although you are a “Healthy Mom,” your unhealthy lifestyle has undoubtedly had an effect on your young daughter.  Especially raising her on your own, you have been her only source of guidance and having seen how effortlessly being “healthy” has come to you, she – being your daughter – had probably come to the conclusion that her health would be as resilient. So yes, she probably feels a little ashamed, if not resentful to be diagnosed with R.A.

The imperative task on your end is now to educate yourself about R.A. Show interest in what your daughter is going through. Go to the library with your daughter on a Saturday afternoon to pick up some books about arthritis. Your daughter’s diet and lifestyle are going to change so that she can stay as pain-free as possible, so you will have to show support by amending your own diet and lifestyle to complement these changes. Find a local arthritis support group and offer to accompany her to the meetings. Talk to her about her feelings and offer comfort, and let us know at CJ what’s going on. Submit stories and pics that show what you’re going through so others can share your strength and experience.

Being a mother is a hard job, but it gets even more complicated when a child is forced to go through a life experience you know nothing about – so take time to give yourself credit for stepping up, dealing with this, and growing in the process.

Good luck

--M

My daughter is five. When should I tell her I have RA?

Too Soon?

Dear Too Soon,

Your daughter might only be five, but although you might try to mask it, she will notice your discomfort when you have flare-ups. You do not have to go into great, scientific detail with her regarding RA, but you can tell her that Mommy has pain in her joints – you may have to explain to her what exactly joints are – and that you occasionally have bad days as a result.  You can then tell her that she does not have to worry, and that you are managing it.

Children can are sometimes smarter and more intuitive that we give them credit. Either way, you should never lie to her about your condition if she asks. Just comfort her, and you might be amazed just how much she will comfort and support you on your bad days.

--M

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Dear Ms. Meniscus:

How do I let my doctor know I don’t like her anymore, and ask her for a referral to another rheumatologist who takes my insurance?

Non-confrontational

Dear Non-Confrontational:

Believe it or not, many people are in your same situation with their healthcare providers.  They are simply unhappy and want to shop around. The problem is that they feel an obligation to their healthcare provider for various reasons, ranging from basic laziness of not wanting to seek out an alternative healthcare provider, to the reluctance to “abandon” years of repertoire, to the fear of opening up to another doctor about your condition.

Here’s a newsflash – your doctors, chiropractors, therapists, etc. are providing you a service. You have the right to seek out the best treatment and care that works for you.  Sounds selfish? Well, it is true. They are in business to serve you, and if you are unhappy with their service you should vocalize it.  While you might be in for a slightly awkward conversation when you ask your Rheumatologist, think of the benefits afterwards.

If your healthcare provider is offended or upset after you tell them you are looking for a second opinion for your treatment options, you always have the vast resource known as the internet, which is full of local directories.  All you have to do is dial the numbers, and ask if they take your insurance.