Dear Bucko,

I'm sorry to hear about the pending divorce.  Divorces are rarely easy.  First let's assume your brother has seen a physician, had the requisite scans and is healthy.  If he has not, he needs to do this immediately.

Once medical issues are out of the way, it's time to understand that while divorces may sometimes seem like sudden decisions, they rarely are.  A divorce is the result of years, and sometimes decades, of unhappiness.  We all get comfortable with the status quo and so it takes a lot of energy to actually put the legal, psychological, social and economic mechanisms in place to get divorced.  This is why there are so many unhappy marriages. It's just easier for many people to live with the unhappiness they know than venture into the unknown.

It is possible that after your brother's hiking accident he thought about his own mortality -- as well as his satisfaction with the life he has created -- and decided to make a change.  After 43 years of marriage, a divorce will represent an enormous upheaval -- so you might want to think about how you can support him during this transition.

Respecting his decision and allowing him to find the happiness he is missing is a great way to show that you are there for him.

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Dear Fred,

Alas, you are discovering why so many professionals are loathe to work with college students -- so many refuse to get their act together and take decisive action when it's needed.  It's a fast-paced world out there and many students refuse to take part in it.

This is a volunteer job.  If these lazy teens and early-twentysomethings are causing you such distress, then it's time to move on.  Keep volunteering -- just do so with a more responsible, active crowd.

-- M

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Dear Mary,

What your roommate is doing and where he's going is none of your business.  He is an adult, just as yourself, and doesn't have to answer to anyone – including you.

Relax and give him space.  You're probably driving him crazy right now.

-- M

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Dear Isabella,

Today's youth, so unintentionally humorous.  You know, for much of recorded history, humans didn't have air conditioning.  Alas, we grow accustomed to our comforts.

Try this:  close all of the air vents downstairs.  Make sure all of the vents upstairs are open.  Let the AC run.

All of the cold air will be funneled upstairs.  Cool air will eventually fall throughout your townhouse.  See if this doesn't make it easier to sleep.

Now, if your thermostat is downstairs, it may rarely register a cool enough temperature to turn off.  And the concentrated coldness may turn upstairs into Siberia.  To balance energy costs with comfort both upstairs and down, experiment opening and closing different combinations of vents.

-- M

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Dear Carl,

Unfortunately unclear communication occurs all too often.  Luckily for you, the person sharing this conversation with you is your sister.

Continue to be direct with her.  Don't assume an antagonistic tone -- but gently explain to her that you truly value her opinion and want to know what she thinks.

Just be prepared that, if she has been holding back, she may have something to say you don't initially like.

-- M

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