My last "serious" book report is about a book that has really opened my mind, but isn't a title that automatically jumps out for the arthritis crowd.

Written by a doctor diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumor, the author was treated -- only to have his cancer return -- and now he lives with it as a chronic disease.  He describes how he began to do serious research about his illness, and found very specific ways to involve his mind and body in healing.

What captivated me is that what he studied had as much to do with arthritis as it does with cancer. He approaches the disease from the perspective of inflammation and autoimmune susceptibility and what he proposes is as relevant to those with RA as it is for someone who wants to avoid a cancer recurrence.

Dr. Servan-Schreiber titles his book, Anti-Cancer:  A New Way of Life  (Kindle Edition), and his intent is to inspire all of us to take our immune systems seriously.  He is almost evangelical in his approach to the simple building blocks of food, exercise, our environment, and our mental habits -- all things we emphasize on the CJ site!

What is added in this book is a raft of specific scientific studies that support his prescription for healthy living.  He looks at how our traditional Western diet aggravates inflammation and suggests what to avoid.  Many of you with RA already steer clear of wheat, or nightshades, or sugar, but he outlines why these foods create an inner physical environment that encourages inflamed cells, and he demonstrates scientifically why this is so.

He is just as compelling (and encouraging) talking about exercise and how easy it can be to do just a little -- and the big difference it can make for our health.

The most portable of his lessons though is the one that shows the connection between stress and inflammation.  He looks at how stress affects us biochemically -- and he includes the ways we stress ourselves by the thinking we practice and the emotions we allow.

He talks about the "Type C" personality -- the one who is always avoiding making waves, and becoming more and more passive about their own wants and desires.  His final chapter describes some of the recent science about learning to change -- attitudes, behaviors, and even healing some history.

It is possible for the Type C's to begin to claim some space and get free of old baggage.

That is a road to better health.

You don't need to have cancer -- or even arthritis -- to appreciate the wisdom of this book.  Dr. Servan-Schreiber is very generous with his own story, and invites you to think about his science, and feel your way into a better stronger way of life.  I recommend this enthusiastically and hope it offers you some practical information as you work on your own healing.

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The video on STILL'S Disease featured on the site this week raises a host of difficult questions and concerns.

This column is addressed to parents who are navigating the complicated terrain of caring for a sick child, although those of you who are caretakers may also find something that speaks to you.

Before Diagnosis

Persistence matters.  Follow up on tests, uncertainties and symptoms.  You are the best judge of what your child needs – seek advice and don't be afraid to keep asking questions.

Listen to your gut.  I have seen medical people (with all the best intentions) try to calm someone down, and miss what matters.  If you are concerned or worried, find someone who will listen.

Be informed – study, join discussion groups, read, read, read, and search for similar symptoms and situations.

Build Your Team

You are in charge.  I say this to adult patients, and it is just as true when you are advocating for your child.  You have to take responsibility for managing the medical care.

Talk to your doctor.  If s/he isn't responsive to you, move on.  You need a doc who is part of the team and who listens and works well with your family.  I know:  It's an overwhelming and scary time, which is why you need the doctor -- and the doctor's staff -- to be with you, NOT resisting you.

Nurses matter.  Your pharmacist is part of your team.  Your religious leader, and any other grownups who can help you sort through options, and make serious choices are part of your new tribe.

Keep track of records.  Don't expect the medical establishment to take care of this.  Keep copies of X-rays, test results, prescriptions for yourself.  Start a journal and take good dated notes.  Keep track of symptoms, and side effects.  Your record is part of the team.

This is a time to call in your markers.  Even if you're not a person who depends on others, get over it.  You need them.  You need friends who bring over meals, who run errands, do research, and who listen.  Your neighbors, your family, your dog.  They are all part of the great embracing team of support.  But you need to invite and allow them in.  Don't be a martyr.  There isn't time.

Communication

This can be hard, but your child needs the truth.  Not knowing is scarier than being trusted with the real story.  But you don't have to tell them everything.  Start small.  Let them know you are there for them.  Tell your child that lots of people are on their side and figuring out how to make them better.

Allow feelings.  Yours and theirs.  This may take practice.  Sometimes when someone we love is sick, it seems overwhelming to admit to fear, or sadness, or being so vulnerable.  But if we practice saying things out loud, that takes away some of the power.

I know a child who was so frightened by the grim faces, and the sound of her mother crying at night that she was sure she was dying.  It was a relief to be told that she had a disease, and that it could be treated and that her mother was sad because her daughter had to suffer.  The little girl could deal with that, and was able to say how she felt.  In the cleared air, there was a brightened mood.

You are the model.  If you shut down, no one will feel safe to express anger or worry or even joy.  If you have trouble doing this, find someone to talk to about it -- a therapist, a priest or rabbi, a wise friend.  Your habits and moods set the tone for the family.  Practice good ones.

Don't assume how everyone else is.  Ask.  Listen.  Receive.

Time Out

This is one of my constant themes:  When you are doing the hard work of caring for someone you love, you need a break.  You must take a break.

The airlines have it right when they tell us, "in the case of oxygen failure, when the little masks drop, put your own mask on before you try to help anyone else!"  You can't be on this mission unless you are taking care of your own physical, emotional and mental health.

Talk to your friends, read a novel, get a massage, take a walk, go out to eat with your partner ... You know what stokes you -- what music, beauty, food, dance, or play helps you remember to breathe.

Stay close to your spiritual center -- mediate, pray.  Avoid people who can't help themselves and bring up scenarios that worry you or make you feel like you're not doing enough.  You are.  You are enough.   You are doing enough.

Trust that your child is getting through this, with all your help and energy and love.

Breathe.

Now you have rekindled the stamina and the heart to do what you need to do.

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A client of mine isn't doing so well. I'm watching her cope with a new round of doctor visits, tests, questions ... and fears. She is on the merry-go-round of one visit leading to three new appointments with different physicians -- each one working to diagnose and treat her many symptoms.

There is something different in her approach though, and it is making me think.

She seems to be doing most of the work.

She is taking each opinion, each "recommendation," and she and her partner are sifting through the data, doing some research, and choosing what seems best to pursue as a healing option.

In the not-so-distant past, she -- and many of my other patients -- would have relied on a doctor to choose a path.

He (and The Doctor was almost always a He) made the decisions, and was The Omniscient Healer. We looked up to our doctors. We relied on their experience and wisdom -- and hopefully on their caring concern.

The landscape of medicine has changed with lightspeed ... and many of us are still catching up. We only have minutes with our physician. We are given options -- not decisions. And there is an often unspoken expectation that we are the ones in charge.

That's the good news -- and the difficult news, isn't it? We have to adjust to this new way of doing things at a time when we feel most in need of someone to lean on, someone who will take care of us and make it all better. But we also know that this is unrealistic -- a fairy tale that never quite fits the situation.

Our work is to help ourselves grow up a little into this responsibility and develop some ways to adjust and use our new power most effectively for our own healing.

I'm watching my clients and here is what I've learned:

The good news is, if we're in charge, we get to decide.

OK. The doc may recommend certain surgeries, or a certain course of medication. But once we do some research -- and ask around -- then we choose. You and your body are the best judge of what works for you. You're in charge -- and you know what works best for you.

• Speak up.
• Speak out.
• Tell the truth.
• And be The Boss.

It's empowering and it is what will make you feel better.

Get an advocate.

Don't try to keep track of everything or make decisions by yourself. Again, this is good news -- partners make us stronger. They help us feel better.

If it isn't a family member, take a friend. If you don't think you have a friend that close, then get to work to make sure there are some people in your life you can count on. This is a two-way street and it is part of healing.

Write everything down.

Get copies of tests, records, whatever. Doctors will make mistakes. You need your own written stuff.

Keep track.

Nobody else is. This means a written list of every medication and herbal thing you are doing. Make sure every doctor, every assistant, and every pharmacist sees it. Every time. Don't assume they "know" -- even if they have seen your list, they have often forgotten.

Have second opinions.  Use alternative modalities.  Use research.

The internet is wonderful ... and awful. Go to reputable sites, and double-check what you learn. Reach out to other patients, nurses, and support groups. Be informed. Then practice making decisions.

This is a new way of being for most of us. It steers us in the direction of responsibility -- instead of feeling passive or victimized.

Once you begin to practice this, it's heady, intoxicating, and, yes, sometimes a little scary. But being a grown-up is always more scary ... and more fun -- because you get to set the course. You get to decide how late to stay up, what to have in the fridge, and how to spend your money.

Should your health care be in any one else's control?

It's your body. Your side effects. Your pain. Your healing. Your life.

I'm rooting for you.

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I came across a great quote today:

It struck me because I have been at two events for rheumatoid arthritis (RA) in the past two weeks, and I have met some amazing, strong, courageous beautiful people. That beauty shines like a radiance from the inside out, because each person I met was interested not only in their own well-being and recovery, but in how they might be of service to others.

Sharing their story, giving support and encouragement, offering a helping hand -- I saw it over and over again and it inspired me.

It is easy -- mostly because it's a habit to focus on what's going wrong, what's not working, where we feel a lack. To "find your way out of the depths" involves making the choice -- many times a day -- to turn toward gifts, grace, abundance, goodness. To put your eyes on what you love and where you feel your deepest affinities.

Take a moment -- where do you feel connected? To people you love? To your creative projects? To animals, trees, water, stars? When you bring those people, places and things to mind can you feel your heart lift?

I believe that's where we begin to move out of the depths and towards the light -- towards not merely surviving our suffering or fear, but toward understanding and compassion.

As I listened to people who have RA, and as I listened to the people who came with them -- their families and friends -- I heard struggle and loss, but it was leavened with hope and love.

One person talked about her work as an educator -- being with children who need her. Another is an activist and she is promoting political and social change.

A young girl wants to get more people involved in understanding RA.

A young man sat beside his girlfriend with his hand on her knee during the workshop, signaling, "I'm with you."

Where are your connections? How do you spell Hope? Love? That's where real beauty grows, and you, my CreakyJoint friends, are making it happen.

Thanks for all your inspiration.

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