What are your intentions?

Here we are -- into the new year and new decade.

What do you want to be different in your life?

It can be such a hard question.  We either see so much that needs to change, or we aren't sure what could happen.

But the exercise is worth thinking about, especially when you live with a chronic illness.  Your body and its unpredictable demands may paralyze your sense of hope and your expectation of a future that you can plan.  Thinking up goals is daunting and can bring up the feeling that this isn't possible.

So instead of planning with your head, sense what you intend in your heart.  Bring your attention down into your heart space and listen to where you want to focus your imagination and your energy.

It's not a set of goals and strategies, but more an internal centering.

Let yourself take some time.  This is a process and it requires your attention and some room in your schedule and in your mind to listen to what you already know.

What are you intending for your life this year?

Some of my clients are doing this exercise and discovering some surprising things.

One person thought her goal for the new year should be to exercise more.

She has made this resolution and goal several times, and it created a lot of guilt and frustration for her that she never "kept her resolution."

This year I suggested she listen to what she already knows in her heart and see what she might intend for her year.

She realized that her intention is to be more active -- not to just sit around feeling stuck.  But being more "active" is not the same as exercising.  She can be more active by planning to go out with friends, and that can include walks but it can also include museum visits and trips to the local public gardens.  As she listened to her heart, she realized she wants to move and do things -- and that will get her body in motion, but the physical moving is only part of what she wants.

My client chose to create an intention for more activity.  She took out her datebook and penciled in some times, and then she made contact with some friends.  What a difference from not "keeping a resolution"! By listening to what she wanted -- and letting go of a requirement for exercise -- she was able to move forward easily.

It may take some reminders that this is her intention as the months pass, but the good news is that she is no longer stuck in a rut of doing nothing and feeling bad.

This can happen for you, too.  Let go of some of your expectations of yourself -- and the rules that go with them.  Shift into your heart and pay attention to what you really want.  That will help you create an intention or two.  See if it isn't easier for your energy to flow in that direction and let me know how it goes.

Best to you as we embark on this decade!

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"Emotional Wellness Helps RA" is the title of a recent post on PsychCentral that caught my eye:

http://psychcentral.com/news/2009/08/05/emotional-wellness-helps-ra/7550.html

The incidence of depression among people with RA is twice that of the general population.  An additional study found that when spouses and partners of those with RA are depressed it correlates with a poorer prognosis for the person with RA.

Being emotionally healthy is essential for those who have RA and for their family -- it can alter the course of the disease and supports better pain control.

So how do you become "emotionally healthy"?

What the studies look at is depression -- that feeling of hopelessness, powerlessness and the sense that things will never change.  Other symptoms of depression can be persistent anger, sleeplessness (or always wanting to sleep), or an overall grey feeling -- nothing seems good or worth looking forward to.

These feelings can creep up and subtly worsen over time.  Early intervention is the best way to stave off a more serious bout of depression.

Yet most people don't treat depression.  They hope it will just go away.  They don't want to be whiners, or feel "weak."  Many folks also don't want to take more pills or feel like they have another disease, so they just try to ignore those downbeat thoughts.  They try to "act" cheerful or okay.

The bad news is that this strategy doesn't work.  And depression is wily and tenacious once it takes hold.

Dealing with it early is the most effective approach.  Here are a few ways to start if you find yourself regularly feeling blue or blah:

Talk to Somebody

Find a neutral, supportive person who can listen.  It is best to rely on someone who knows something about depression -- a religious leader, or a medical support person like a nurse or therapist.  Many communities have free or low-cost clinics that can be a great place of help and hope.

Talking to a professional can help you put your concerns in the hands of someone who is an expert in these matters.  You will get lots of good advice and perspective.

Physical Movement

This is free, easy, and one of the most researched tools to combat depression.  I didn't say exercise because that can connote a huge program that feels too overwhelming before you even begin.  What helps is just getting your body in motion.  A short walk every day.  Moving some parts of your body -- stretching, breathing, whatever you can do.

The more often you get your self moving each day, the more it helps.

Humor

OK, you don't find very much funny.  But laughing out loud or a good chuckle lifts your spirits and shifts your brain chemistry.  What tickles each of our funny bones is very individual, so you may have to experiment.  Is it a silly spot on YouTube?  An old movie like When Harry Met Sally?  Jokes from the Reader's Digest?  Jon Stewart?

Give yourself the prescription of two funny contacts a day.

Create Community

Who is in your tribe?  Pain and depression lead to isolation, which makes pain and depression worse.  Where are your friends?  To whom do you talk?  Facebook friends and chat rooms are a good place to begin, but be willing to move on to real-time relationships.  Invite someone for coffee.  Go out for breakfast after church or temple.

I know, you don't feel like doing this.  It's hard.  I get it.  Your cave feels safe.  But you need to get into the world and be around people.  Set a goal.  One outreach in two days.  Then you can build from there.

One of my favorite blogs is The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  The other day she had this great line:  "The absence of feeling bad isn't enough to make you feel good -- you must strive to find sources of feeling good."

As always, you are in charge, and your sources of feeling good are particular to you.  Remember it is an active process -- not a passive one.  Follow the practice of identifying what these sources of feeling good are.  You have to be willing to act on what you know and feel.

Depression is tough -- but I know you can take the first step towards healing.

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It's the time of year when we're thinking about vacations.

Maybe you are anticipating going away, or perhaps you've already gone.  Some of us are just dreaming about it.

Vacations are essential for everybody -- and particularly for those who have a chronic and painful condition.  The break in routine, the exploration of new sights, the creation of memories and relaxation all contribute to a healthier mind and attitude and body.

Yet we often put that need aside.  "I can't afford to get away!"  That's our usual excuse.

Whether we can't afford the money or the time or the energy, we give up and put vacations on the back burner in our mind.

The reality is that we don't need to go away for a week or even physically leave our homes in order to get some of the best benefits of a vacation.  We can create "mini-retreats" or even brief mental vacations that can offer us some of the best nourishment of a time away.

To do that, there are a few pointers.

"Set the table."

By that, I mean, put aside a little time and prepare for your mental break the way you would for any trip.  Think of where you'd like to go.  And it works especially well if you choose somewhere you've been and loved.  Using your memory and imagination, recall specific details of the place -- smells, sounds, the slant of the light, what you are wearing ... make it detail rich.

Last year my daughter and I took a brief trip to San Francisco for her high school graduation present.  It was one of the best trips of my life -- and I will never be able to repeat it.  So, I have thousands of delicious details tucked away in my mind so I can take that trip again any time I want!

Put lots of wonderful things on the table.

It's a vacation, remember!  So you get to eat, and put your toes in the water, and feel the sun, and listen to the birds and the wind in the trees -- whatever pleases you.

To ramp up your relaxation, use all your senses.  Eat something, listen to certain music, put out a scent.  Have a raspberry, sniff a rose, hold a beach shell.  The more you stimulate your senses, the more you will relax.  Look at pictures that remind you of how happy a time you had and are having again!

Spend as much -- or as little -- time as you please.

You will get the benefits very quickly.  Your pulse will slow, your mind will unclench, you may be breathing a little more easily, and for sure you will find yourself smiling.

That's what happy feels like.  You don't need to do this for very long.  The effects will last for a while.  When you need another break, do it again.

The best effects happen if we practice vacationing regularly -- every day, or twice a day.
You give yourself a big sunshiny happy vitamin.

That's a break we can all afford and it offers a rich payoff.

Bon voyage!

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