A client of mine isn't doing so well. I'm watching her cope with a new round of doctor visits, tests, questions ... and fears. She is on the merry-go-round of one visit leading to three new appointments with different physicians -- each one working to diagnose and treat her many symptoms.

There is something different in her approach though, and it is making me think.

She seems to be doing most of the work.

She is taking each opinion, each "recommendation," and she and her partner are sifting through the data, doing some research, and choosing what seems best to pursue as a healing option.

In the not-so-distant past, she -- and many of my other patients -- would have relied on a doctor to choose a path.

He (and The Doctor was almost always a He) made the decisions, and was The Omniscient Healer. We looked up to our doctors. We relied on their experience and wisdom -- and hopefully on their caring concern.

The landscape of medicine has changed with lightspeed ... and many of us are still catching up. We only have minutes with our physician. We are given options -- not decisions. And there is an often unspoken expectation that we are the ones in charge.

That's the good news -- and the difficult news, isn't it? We have to adjust to this new way of doing things at a time when we feel most in need of someone to lean on, someone who will take care of us and make it all better. But we also know that this is unrealistic -- a fairy tale that never quite fits the situation.

Our work is to help ourselves grow up a little into this responsibility and develop some ways to adjust and use our new power most effectively for our own healing.

I'm watching my clients and here is what I've learned:

The good news is, if we're in charge, we get to decide.

OK. The doc may recommend certain surgeries, or a certain course of medication. But once we do some research -- and ask around -- then we choose. You and your body are the best judge of what works for you. You're in charge -- and you know what works best for you.

• Speak up.
• Speak out.
• Tell the truth.
• And be The Boss.

It's empowering and it is what will make you feel better.

Get an advocate.

Don't try to keep track of everything or make decisions by yourself. Again, this is good news -- partners make us stronger. They help us feel better.

If it isn't a family member, take a friend. If you don't think you have a friend that close, then get to work to make sure there are some people in your life you can count on. This is a two-way street and it is part of healing.

Write everything down.

Get copies of tests, records, whatever. Doctors will make mistakes. You need your own written stuff.

Keep track.

Nobody else is. This means a written list of every medication and herbal thing you are doing. Make sure every doctor, every assistant, and every pharmacist sees it. Every time. Don't assume they "know" -- even if they have seen your list, they have often forgotten.

Have second opinions.  Use alternative modalities.  Use research.

The internet is wonderful ... and awful. Go to reputable sites, and double-check what you learn. Reach out to other patients, nurses, and support groups. Be informed. Then practice making decisions.

This is a new way of being for most of us. It steers us in the direction of responsibility -- instead of feeling passive or victimized.

Once you begin to practice this, it's heady, intoxicating, and, yes, sometimes a little scary. But being a grown-up is always more scary ... and more fun -- because you get to set the course. You get to decide how late to stay up, what to have in the fridge, and how to spend your money.

Should your health care be in any one else's control?

It's your body. Your side effects. Your pain. Your healing. Your life.

I'm rooting for you.

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