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Trust and Marriage

Dear Ms. Meniscus, My wife of almost eight years told me the other day that she had been lying to me about her past. She was the first woman I had ever been with, and had told me I was her first as well. I have to say initially it hurt imagining that, but the real problem for me is the honesty. I am not sure that I can trust her any more. How do I know she is not lying about being faithful in our marriage? I am having a real hard time forgiving her. How can I get over this? -Agonized Amir

Dear Amir,

Forgiveness is hard. The key to getting through it is that you have to want to forgive.

Do you still love your wife? If so, the answer is obvious: sit down and continue this conversation with her. Take it as a blessing that she feels more comfortable with you now than she did all those years ago.

Also keep in mind that having multiple intimate partners before marriage has nothing to do with someone being monogamous and faithful to his/her spouse after it. Perhaps she saw this as a little white lie, told to protect your feelings. Or perhaps she was afraid of condemnation on your part. Talk to her. Let her prove you can trust her now more than ever.

--M

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